Teens Today with Vanessa Van Petten

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Dear Vanessa

Sometimes you mention monitoring your kids online and on the computer. I am thinking about installing a parental control software on my computer, but there are thousands of choices. Do you have any recommendations?

-Laurie, Los Angeles, CA

I actually get this question a lot, especially when I speak and often get emails from my readers recommending or bashing products they have used. There are literally thousands of different softwares you can buy to monitor your kids and prevent them from visiting certain sites.

Here are my favorites with some short reviews:

SpectorSoft This one has lots of different plans to choose from and for all different kinds of computers. I like it because if you are not computer savvy then you can call them anytime. I put this on one of my clients computers and it worked well.
Excerpt from a few of their programs: (pretty crazy they can do this now!)

“The ONLY software that captures their incoming and outgoing emails, chat and instant messages - then IMMEDIATELY forwards them any email address you choose. Spector Pro captures and organizes ACTUAL Emails, Chat Conversations, and Instant Messages and includes the best Keystroke Logger available anywhere! PLUS - built in Intelligence will examine and analyze all PC activity to de termine if you should be NOTIFIED IMMEDIATELY.”

PC Tattletale This one is the most comprehensive one I have ever seen. It really covers everything your child could be doing everything from blocking keywords, to email monitoring, to MySpace monitoring to keystroke records, time usage…

“Only PC Tattletale offers a complete Internet Monitoring and Parental Control Software solution, that’s unmatched in the industry. Our special “Stealth Technology” –PC Tattletale is TOTALLY invisible to the user. Chat and Instant Message Recording which records all chat sessions & Instant messages - Captures both sides ANY Chat conversation or Instant Message. Screen Shots Captures - PC Tattletale’s “VCR like controls & playback” makes it as simple as clicking the “PLAY” button to watch EVERYTHING your child did when they were online! and more…”

Safe Eyes For PCs and Macs, this has been featured in a lot of media campaigns on Internet Safety.

“Safe Eyes Parental Controls Include:
1. Content Controls - Flexible content control allows you to select the types of website that are appropriate.
2. Program Controls - Control Instant Messengers, P2P File Sharing, and other harmful programs.
3. Time Controls - Control the amount of time spent online, and the times when the internet is available.
4. Usage Logging - Create and review logs of websites visited, pro grams used on the Internet, and Instant Messaging Chats.
5. Usage Alerts - Be notified instantly via email, text message, or phone call when someone visits inappropriate websites.”

Advanced Parental Control This is a very user friendly service. I like that they have time limits and makes it easier to keep the amount of usage down to a minimum.

“Are your kids abusing the computer? Advanced Parental Control enables you to control and supervise how they use the PC and Internet. Easily create an allowed schedule for each user. You can also setup a time allowance for each user by day or week. If they reach the specified amount of time then they can no longer login. Advanced Parental Control can block any application for any user and filter web sites based on keywords YOU specify. You can even record select activities including screenshots, keystrokes typed, web sites visited and more for complete activity monitoring. APC also includes System Restriction Tweaks ideal for limiting a child’s access.”

WebWatcher This has a lot of different features from checking email to reading IMs. I like how they view it as a tool, rather than just a software:

“Because we don’t think of WebWatcher as a product; instead, we consider it a “Parenting Tool” that allows you to level the playing field and protect your children against the dangers of the Internet. As parents, we struggle because we either do not have the computer skills of our kids, nor have good in sight into how our children use the Internet.”

Please let me know your thought or if you are familiar with any of these softwares in the comments!

Vanessa

Check out Vanessa’s Virtual Summer Tracks for 5th-12th graders!  Get a head start on the school year and give your kids the skills they need to succeed! More info here.

Happy Friday!

I am back from my trip.

Get-to-know-me-image of the week: me Kayaking in the marshes while I was gone hoorah and I find that time away is a great time for me to brainstorm form my business Scott took a picture of my ‘workspace’ (I like the floor with two stacks of post-its, yellow paper, white paper, markers and pencils).

My Favorite Things About Moms In honor of mothers day, I wrote my own Ode to mothers.

4 Tips When Tweens Start Wearing Make-Up A guest post on how to teach your teen or tween to wear make-up appropriate for their age and make it still look natural.

6 Unique Strategies for Divorced Families Here I give some new and unheard of tips for divorced and single parents.

Teaching Your Teen How to Drink Oh boy, this one was controversial. Here are some ways that teens can deal with alcohol at parties including taking fake shots, losing your drink and feeding the plants, tell me what you think!

5-14-2008 News Summary for Parents Sexting, skimpy prom dress is illegal, posting on Facebook can now be illegal, safer earbuds, 10 Deadliest Cities for teen drivers, Lindsay Lohan, College Essays…

My Mom Joined JDate: When Parents Date Yes, its true–welcome too short men, more kvetching and lots of internet questions into my life. Here is my funny, and ridiculous account thus far.

Check out Vanessa’s Virtual Summer Tracks for 5th-12th graders! Get a head start on the school year and give your kids the skills they need to succeed! More info here.

Reminder: If you are on my daily email list and it is too many emails, you can email me to switch you to my once per week Friday email at vvanpetten@rrules.com with the subject “switch.” (or if you just want to me on my once a week newsletter because you get bonus material there email me with the subject “busy parent subscription.”

Breaking News reported here at CNN. Orange County, FL teen named Crystal confesses on YouTube she has been taped and needs help because the Orange Country courts have dropped her case.

Crystal is looking for comfort, she is looking for help, but is she divulging too much information?

I have posted about tips for divorced families before because it is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. My parents divorced when I was 4 and I switched houses every Monday until I was 17…so I am always trying to think of things I wish my parents had done to help out families going through this rough period.

1. Define Family
I think I freaked out because I thought that I would never have a real family again. One of the first things I hope you can do with your children…and maybe even yourself is explain that a family with one dad, two moms, three half-sisters, single parent…they are all families. Think about what family means to you and explain this to your kids, let them know that there are many different kinds of families and there is no better, best or ‘normal’—only happy and loving.

2. New Start…New Rules
Make the rules before they make you! Take the chance for a new start and have everyone decide what kind of new house rules you want to have. I always felt really empowered when my parents asked me my opinion on new household routines or rules. Be sure to also make a new emergency routine (emergency numbers, what to do in a new house in case of fire or earthquake…often overlooked, but very important). I was terrified for my other house during the LA earthquake and for a while phone lines were down so we couldn’t call each other…always know what to do.

3. New Start…Same Ethics
New rules are great, but sometimes we like to take advantage or our parents chaos to assume punching your brother, stealing candy and cursing like dad are suddenly ok. Be sure to let them know, that although there are a lot of changes, your family values and ethics are still the same.

4. Being Scared is OK
Be open, let them know you are scared too, and it might take a little while, but you can work together to make things feel ok.

5. Mum’s the Word
My parents are extremely good about not talking about the other. I mean literally avoid any comments at all in front of your kids, when you say bad things it can be upsetting and even when you say good things it can be confusing (i.e why don’t you just get back together?)

6. Find Other Single Parents
As I mentioned in a previous post, my mom just joined Jdate…she is much happier when she goes out. Find other single and divorced parents, I am sure they have far better tips than I!

7. Maintain Habit and Approach
Don’t keep switching tactics. I think a lot of divorced parents are so desperate to make their kids feel ok they try everything and anything…incentives, rewards, punishment, presents, denial, upset. Pick a strategy and stick to it. The more consistent we see you being, the easier it is for us to find our footing. Be patient with us, show us love, we will come around = ).

I am now putting together a post on the best resources for divorced and single parents. Please submit your additions to this article in the comments and any other books, resources, websites, blogs etc, you want me to review for the post!

*Image Courtesy of Joe-ks.com

Check out Vanessa’s Virtual Summer Tracks for 5th-12th graders!  Get a head start on the school year and give your kids the skills they need to succeed! More info here.

Breaking News

Posting mean things on Facebook could now be against the law…

Sexting: The New Wave of Teens and Sex

Girls Getting Arrested for Skimpy Prom Dress

Articles of Interest

MSNBC: Earbuds That Are Safer for Kids

AllStates Survey: Top 10 Deadliest Cities for Teen Drivers

Lohan Out of Manson Family Movie

NYT: The Best College Essays

Teen-o-visian Noteworthy on TV for Teens this Week

Teen Texting Towards Better Writing?

Vanessa’s Picks of the Week

I am going to be a guest on May 14^th at 1.30 pm EST on “Help! My Teenager is an Alien” radio show.

You can Listen Live, join us in the chat room or call in and ask me a question.

Call-in Number: (347) 324-5003 Listen Live http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Sarah-Newton

I was on the MomScoop Podcast this week, take a listen!

Parents TV Kinda Cool (for younger kids)

5 Ways to Help Tame Kid’s Clutter

Inspiring Woman: Miss Gabrielle of My Beauty Camp

Miss Gabrielle is a California licensed aesthetician and make-up artist with 12 years experience in the health and beauty industry. Prior to starting My Beauty Camp she studied and practiced skin therapy in the U.K. with the prestigious Steiner of London. As a Women’s Studies major at UCLA, her extensive research is focused on the development of the adolescent female into womanhood. Gabrielle is passionate about the issues that teen girls face in today’s society. Her mission is to ultimately build a new generation of successful women.

As a teenager, Gabrielle had very low self-esteem. Entering into womanhood, she dreamt of a place where teen girls would learn how to excel through these difficult years. She sought to create a program that would teenage teach girls how to take care of their skin and hair and learn make-up and fashion tips to boost their self esteem. Realizing the importance of goal setting and money matters, she started My Beauty Camp, designed to be a fun and rewarding experience that would empower girls to set and reach their highest goals.

To date, over 1,500 girls have participated in the My Beauty Camp experience and the goal is to reach millions of girls worldwide. Gabrielle has worked in various parts of the world including New York, London,

Paris and Italy and currently resides in Los Angeles where she can be found at any given moment inspiring teen girls to become strong confident, independent women.

Check out Vanessa’s Virtual Summer Tracks for 5th-12th graders! Get a head start on the school year and give your kids the skills they need to succeed! More info here.